Not Savage

Homemade paper doll by M

Notification that savage stuffed animals are not welcome at the party.

Sidewalk

Bhumikompo

If any of you wake to see news of the M7.9 earthquake in nearby Nepal, know we're fine.  It was felt here in Dhaka, but we're far enough away that it was quite mild.  On a rickshaw I didn't even feel it, but I watched Lake Banani sloshing!
We learned the word for earthquake.

Our hearts and Thoughts go to those who died, lost homes, or loved ones in Nepal.

Pure Geek

This has very little to do with culture, or language, or medicine.

This is a photo of an ant, right?  Kind of strange, though - it looks both black and red.  And wait a second... count the legs.  There are eight.  It's not an ant, it's a spider!

This is batesian mimicry (try to look like something that tastes bad so you don't get eaten).  It even moves like an ant.  I would've been completely fooled if I hadn't seen it swing down from a door frame on silk.

Pure geek.

Seen in Passing

New business model?

শুভ নববর্ষ !

এসো হে বৈসাক !

It was Bengali New Year two days ago: the year 1422.  Traditional garb is red and white so we dressed up and went to Lake Park to join in the festivities.  These two young ladies accompanied us.

I wasn't too surprised when a couple of strangers wanted to snap photos of them.

   

M & A were good sports about it and enjoyed it at first.

    

But pretty soon it became evident that we were a bit of a spectacle.

After a while...   Phew.      

    

I don't think we'll do that again anytime soon.  :)

No title

I’ve been mulling this over for some time: it’s a first draft of my thoughts.  To contextualize it for the USA:

Imagine you meet someone in a coffee shop, a friendly person with whom you easily envision striking up a friendship.  The conversation ranges all over and doesn’t just skim the surface either.  They’re interested in your life and it feels … as though there’s real connection.  You even realize you’ll be late for another appointment because you’ve been so engrossed in conversation! Then, your new acquaintance, calling you by an affectionate name, mentions some recent financial difficulties and rather heavily hints that they could use a loan of $1000 and directly asks you to lean on a friend to get them a job.  A salary of at least $55,000/year would be acceptable. 

Whoah!  Where did that come from?  How do you feel?

Did they chat you up just for a job?  Is there a giant dollar sign hanging directly over your head?  Do you look like a walking wallet?   Ugh.  All of a sudden, what you took to be genuine interest takes on a less charitable hue.  

This has happened to me, more or less, three times.  I had been told, before I arrived in this country, that this was common.  I was told, as a westerner, what my visceral response would be: it was exactly as predicted.  Now I have to work on the other half of what I was taught: seeing it from another perspective.

It was explained to me, by someone with nearly 30 yrs experience in this part of the world, that all relationships involve money.  “So try to look beyond your American prejudice.”  It is the currency of relationship.  Another ‘older & wiser’ told me the most common relational dynamic here is ‘patron-beneficiary’; there are certain expectations that someone who is wealthy (and every westerner is ‘wealthy’) will help others.  It’s a societal norm – to be otherwise is to be ‘cheap’ or a miser.  People and loyalty are what matter here.  Efficiency matters less than relationship.

Maybe it will help to tell the story from another perspective.

Imagine you meet someone at a coffee shop, a friendly person with whom you easily envision striking up a friendship.  The conversation ranges all over and doesn’t just skim the surface either.  Unlike so many others, they seem genuinely interested in your life and it feels … as though there’s a real connection.  In fact, you perceive real affection – as though they’re offering close friendship.  You make a snap decision to risk your honor and show the weakness of your true situation – your desperate need for a job and your financial straits.  This person seems like they could be a real friend and potentially help the way true friends do.  You make the leap and … you watch their eyes glaze and the almost imperceptible recoil.  Did you misread them? What is wrong?  Could they really be that selfish and hung up on money?

Don’t imagine I really know what someone from this culture is thinking, nor that my gut response was wrong, but you get the idea that there can be another perspective.   This is currently the single most challenging thing I’m learning to navigate.  I don't know how the pieces will fall nor quite what to think.  It'll be a work in progress for some time, I hope

.

A few things I have learned so far

1. No matter the trash around you, you can find beauty virtually anywhere.  Often by looking up.

2. Mosquitoes can become invisible at will.

3. Just because you understand each word individually does not mean you understand what someone is saying.

4. Even if you understand what someone is saying,  you do not necessarily understand what they mean by it or why they are saying it.

5. Mosquitoes are evil.

6. I, until now, didn't really know what 'hot' meant.  And apparently I still don't, yet.

7. Social cues and expectations are different in different places.  This I am learning by experience.

8. "Experience is that thing that you get immediately after you need it."

9. When contemplating infinity, if you take something away, even a large number, there's still infinity more left over.  This applies to mosquitoes.

You have to make a million mistakes.

In learning a new language you have to make a million mistakes, so you'd best wake early and get started.
Keep in mind the following conversation was in Bangla.

Our language tutor came on Thursday and noticed Mary playing with a new game.
We said, "It's Mary's Birthday!"

"Oh I didn't know!"

"That's OK, you didn't have to know that."

silence

"Ah. Because you're bideshi (foreigner) I understand.  But you shouldn't say that to a bangladeshi, they'll get angry."

"Why?"

"Because they will think that you had a party and they were not invited!"

"Oh!" consternation  "What should we say?"

pause

"Hmmm...Say, 'That's OK, we didn't tell anybody'."

That way they know they weren't excluded and can just chalk it up to us crazy bideshis who never seem to do anything normal (like throw an all-day party for absolutely everyone on your daughter's 8th birthday).

Goromkal

Goromkal means the warm season.

The weather report says it's 37degF back home.

Currently it's 37degC here - or about 98degF in the shade.

We all feel like butter.   :)

Entertainment

Legos are great and all....

But, honestly, when you have cardboard and duct tape...