Our regular column: overheard in the Herman household

Special correspondent AE - Reuters

Traffic in South Asia is loud.  Horns are used to express displeasure, yes, but more often just to say, "I'm here, look out" or, "On your left!" or, "I weigh 8 tons and am traveling faster than the condition of my brakes warrants so would you do me the courtesy of sliding a little to your left?"  One way we as a family cope with it is just pretending that every time somebody honks they're saying, "Hi!".  The older kids have really gotten into the spirit of it and think it's funny.  The youngest knows it's a joke but can simultaneously believe it.

Traffic:  Beeeeeyyyoooooouuuuuuuu.   BEEEEEEEP.   Reh.   Moooooooop.
AE: Wow.  People must really like us a lot because they're always saying, "Hi!"

And heading out the door,  a little late, she was delayed hugging her ballerina elephant:

Laura: Come on, AE!
AE: I was just hugging Heart.  Oh - for heaven's sake - who wouldn't love an elephant named Heart?

Hey, brother! I really like you a lot!

Xray vision

This morning I woke to M looking at me through my mosquito net.  I was bit startled; she said, "Daddy, please smile and be happy."

I almost answered, "I AM happy, what do you mean?" but checked myself because the tone that was about to come out of my mouth definitely was not.

Since smiling & hugging her good morning I've been meditating on this.  My first response was, "Of course I'm happy!" and in a general, big-picture sense that is true.  But kids have a wonderful ability to see right through the filters, smokescreens and rationalizations we give, right to the heart.  I have been a bit grumpy (see - even now I give it an alternate name): haven't slept much and felt stressed by the move.  Really, I'm sad about leaving friends behind in Dhaka, and before that, Maine.  For the last week I have operated in an impersonal survival mode.  M saw right through it.

Where do we lose that?  Perhaps, when I answer and say, "I AM happy, I just didn't sleep enough." or, "I'm not unhappy, I'm just thinking." or myriad other answers, I am teaching my children to give euphemistic names to their genuine emotions or to cloak how they feel in layers of excuse.  I'm teaching them that it's not OK to be sad.  Somewhere along the way we all learn that.

And there's a reason - it enables us to function when necessary - it's a coping mechanism.   But can't I teach them that it's OK to feel deeply, to give them room to do so, and then, afterward, to get up and do what needs doing?  If you protect yourself with rationalizations and euphemisms it's certainly easier.

Success!

W, J & M all were worried about their respective school swim competitions: "But what if I'm bad?!"
As a kid, there is always someone faster than you, prettier than you, cooler than you and smarter than you.  But every now and then, still you taste success, and it is far far sweeter than it could otherwise be.
And they took 1st, 2d and 2d in their respective races.

By contrast, I sometimes think AE never worries about anything.

3 conversations: Hilarity and Humanity

And two gratuitous unrelated pictures.

Card stock models are currently all the rage in the
Herman Household.

    So.  The first conversation today is best described.  I spent the afternoon in an apartment with a bunch of young people.  One, a young man I've been working with, was describing to me someone gossiping and spreading rumors about him, his wife and their work after they had a bit of a falling out.  This, though lamentable, is common to all mankind and encouraging grace, forgiveness & reconciliation was straightforward.
    Then he recounted how another expat he's known for a long time listened to the rumors and came to 'have a talk with him', without first fact-finding or seeking another side to the story.  This caused a lot of 'koshto' - emotional pain - for him and his wife, since they respected this older & wiser expat.  That brought out a lot of expatriate/national dynamics that have a long history.  I will need to be very careful how I step.  This is a post-colonial culture and it is not ancient history.

The second conversation was with our landlord, exploring whether our security guard (who handles the electric bills, etc) has been cheating us.  This will also be delicate - I need to pursue it, but, likewise, to do so with grace and forgiveness.  If he gets fired, his family won't have the income they need, so again, I need to watch where I step.

The last conversation was more lightedhearted, at least for one of us ;-).   I was crossing the street near the bazar on my way home with some groceries this evening when an older man addressed me in heavily accented English:

"What is your Country?"
"Amar desh America." showing off my Bangla!
"Oho! Mine too!  I'm from San Diego!"
"Tik?  Kintu Apni....but you're here?"  OK. Back to English.
"Yes.  I came back.  America just wasn't for me.  Too many problems."
"Tell me what bothered you."
"Ah.  It's the aliens you know.  Too many of them, especially around Laredo, TX."
"No kidding?????"  I always suspected as much....
"Nope.  They have too much influence.  Of course, you can't talk about them there - because of the American military.  It's forbidden."
"Ummm..."
"It's true!  I read about it on the internet.  You can see youtube videos all about it!  The aliens are in control.  For many many years, now!"
"You might not trust everything you read on the internet."
"No! No! If it was false the government would shut it down, cancel the website!  besides - there've been over 70,000 contacts!  It's undeniable!  You must read about them!"
"Thanks!"

I guess it's the same everywhere.  Especially around Laredo.