Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde

Best light in the morning is in the hall for Dr. J

  Not really, of course.  J is a pretty upbeat friendly guy no matter the situation.  It's just that sometimes he looks like a studious Dr. J and other times like...

Mr. H

  I wrote in 2011 about how we must permit our children some of their heartaches (and, I might add, their failures!).  It's part of what will shape them and give them compassion for others.  Don't imagine, though, that this means we point them in a general direction and then sit back and watch!

  It is equally important to equip them to handle heartbreak and difficult situations.  Ever been a new kid in a new school, especially where everyone else has known each other for years?  It's really tough.  Though J has a couple of good friends, he's had a few rough spots too - other children have been pretty unkind, "You're so bad at volleyball, you stink!" (he'd never even seen a volleyball before), "You don't understand even the simplest Bangla! (said in Bangla, translated by his friend)", and "If you didn't exist, I wouldn't care."  That last still almost brings me to tears.

  

  A few years ago we worked with Jack for a while on social interactions & cues (and still are) but his response then would have made things so much worse for himself.  Now,  instead, he's experimenting with the things we've been trying to teach him, "I tried just laughing along with them and saying, 'yeah...I don't understand, it's true' but they just pinched me and ran away."... Boy, that worked, huh?.  You know all that, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me." stuff?  It ain't true.  

  Nor can you expect an 11-year old to have the degree of self-confidence it takes to truly shrug off direct insults the way we adults (sometimes) can.  So instead we work on compassion, "Can you imagine, Jack, why he says things like that?  Who do you think said that first to him?  Was it someone important to him?"

  This doesn't diminish the hurt.  It doesn't change how it feels when somebody crushes you.  To say it just 'smarts' doesn't cover it - you never forget this sort of thing.  But maybe it does change how you feel about them afterward, and maybe it will change the future adult.